Sorry it's been a while

Well life as a mummy has taken it's toll on me completely. Sam is now 5 months and one week old and I feel like I've had the best and worst few months of my life. 6 weeks after Sam was born I suffered badly with post natal depression. I can honestly say those couple of months were the worst I have ever experienced. I could hardly look at my little boy. I felt like I didn't love him it was horrid. Looking back I now believe I never properly bonded with him from birth, I was no focused on being Supermummy. I remember when he was born I didn't cry, which I thought was wierd. I don't hink I had that immediate rush of love for him. I managed to pull my self out of the black hole I was in, the health visitors were rubbish, as they were more bothered about whether I was going to harm Sam, they were checking on me daily, when I needed something like counselling or a support group that wasn't offered.

When Sam was ten weeks old I had a meeting with work, I felt I needed some adult conversation and to feel needed by someone other than Sam. I came back to work one day a week when Sam was 12 weeks old, and I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did. I'm due to start two and a half days a week at the end of september. I now enjoy the time I spend with Sam but also look forward to going to work. Sam is a much happier contented little man cos his mummy is calm and relaxed.

My house may not be immaculate and dinner may not be on the table when chris gets home from work every night, but what does all that matter when we are finally the happy family we always wanted to be.

I hope to write again soon, especially when i'm at work a bit more

Em x